Looking back at 2015

"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390) 12/31/2015 at 12:00 • Filed to: Looking Back

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Looking back at 2015, it’s been a hell of a year that’s left me asking myself more questions than finding more answers. I started this year with the goal of finding myself, I didn’t expect to figure it out in a year, but I did find out it’s gonna take a lot longer than I thought or would’ve liked or hoped.

In the car world, this year marked one miracle two anniversaries for me:

The 911 was finally running and driving again this year! For a good two months, I got to once again relish in nostalgia and memories of good times in my childhood, cruise Woodward with Torchbug, and end up stranded on the side of I-96 for 6 hours on a hot Dream Cruise day. All in all, better than I could’ve imagined and even if the car is “broken” again in our garage, I can’t wait to get her fixed again and detail her up to her glory days!! ^_^

This year marked one-year ownerships of my ST and 944. The ST has been a very good car to me and nearing year-2 in a couple months it continues to be an admirable car; regardless of my at times negative comments on it. It’s been reliable, fun to drive, and I used it in my first autocross which was a blast! I never had so much fun with a car in real life before it and look forwards to future autocrossing in 2016!

The 944....Well, it certainly took me on adventures in more ways than one. It broke down on me four times over the course of the summer, two leaving me stranded on hot days and requiring towing. But every time we broke down, we put ourselves back together and repaired one another as best as we could and got back on the road. I also learned many new things this year, the major ones being:

How to change timing and balance shaft belts

How to change gaskets

How to change engine and transmission oil

How to change an ignition switch

How to change struts

How to detail cars

And many more things. The car went on two trips from Michigan to Ohio, went to car shows, and even won 2nd place in Porsche class at the last one thanks to a day of detailing beforehand! She’s most definitely a keeper, and I look forwards to where the old girl and I go in 2016 which I’ll continue to document whenever possible on my YouTube channel.

Now, on the emotional side of life, it’s been a bit of the mix. I was for all of a couple weeks infatuated with a girl who felt the same way I did, only for that to fall apart, but become a very good friendship so far. I struggled with many of my classes this year to the point of switching majors to lighten the load on my brain and on my heart. Unfortunately, the one year anniversary of my 944 ownership, Halloween, was also the day my world turned hellish, when I got into an intense fight with my dad at work, and an accumulation of past negative events caused me mentally snapped, drive away from home and work for hours, wondering if it was to be my last day on the planet. I should be so very lucky that I decided to stop at my school first and be talked out of doing something I would regret by a loving professor of mine. Therapy and medication has kept my depression and anxiety in reasonable check so far, but I’ve had days where I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, or talk to anyone, and even when I did talk I’d feel so very alone. Even know, I’m still struggling with my thoughts and, wishes and, dreams. There are things I want to say to people that I’ve been meaning to say for years but never could, things I’ve wanted to do but anxiety did and still does prevent me from doing so, and things I regret doing for years; hell, things from my last year of high school that I still haven’t gotten off my chest. But I hope to one day confidently put that all to rest, and keep moving forwards.

Relationships are another dodgy thing I learned about this year. By this years end, I learned that sometimes the people you love the most, you can never be with, and as painful as it may be, it’s possible that you might not find someone to love who loves you back in life. As sad as that sounds, as long as you love yourself, You can fill that second seat. You can easily go on an adventure without other people, and when you find yourself longing for a companion, just remember how much “you” there is to fill the car....And the hatch (O_o).

Lastly, image has been a prominent issue for me for years. In my early years it was weight. I conquered that in high school. Now, in this ever evolving world, I often found myself resenting my African/black heritage and upbringing and how the news and world depicts what I should be. No doubt fueling my depression, I know I am who I am for some reason, and I need to deal with it and love myself for who and what I am instead of loathing and depreciating myself.

If there’s one positive thing I learned this year, is that no matter how down I am, how little I feel sometimes, when I haven’t got money in my pocket or enough of it for something whatever it may be, or whenever I feel left out or alone, I’m still doing quite alright for myself, and I should and will be fortunate for what I have right here, right now.

So what am I looking forwards to in 2016? On the journey of my life, I’m not looking to find myself now. Rather, I’m looking to improve myself, evolve beyond the person I am now and become better and stronger than I am now. I want to kick depression and anxiety in the ass and make something of myself, more than I have ever before. I want 2016 to be the year of self-fulfilling self-improvement. So here’s to taming more Porsche, better roads, and smoother paved ones too; and even if they’re not, I’ll still drive down them because Michigan can’t repair roads for shit! ^_^

Finishing with this:

fourvalleys > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 12/31/2015 at 12:05

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Hah, I have almost an identical post sitting in my drafts (although mine sticks pretty much to cars). Nice post!

To 2016!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > fourvalleys 12/31/2015 at 12:09

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I couldn’t sleep last night so I wrote what was on my mind to get to sleep easier.

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/01/2016 at 18:02

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and end up stranded on the side of I-96 for 6 hours on a hot Dream Cruise day

And having your ass saved by your good ole buddy Dwhite. Forgot that part haha.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis 01/01/2016 at 19:03

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Friendly neighborhood Dwhite. Cannot forget that bit!

Have a corgi pup ^_^